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Spending nearly four years on the New York Times bestseller list, including eight months at number one, You Just Don't Understand is a true cultural and intellectual phenomenon. This is the book that brought gender differences in ways of speaking to the forefront of public awareness. With a rare combination of scientific insight and delightful, humorous writing, Tannen shows why women and men can walk away from the same conversation with completely different impressions of what was said.

Studded with lively and entertaining examples of real conversations, this book gives you the tools to understand what went wrong -- and to find a common language in which to strengthen relationships at work and at home. A classic in the field of interpersonal relations, this book will change forever the way you approach conversations.

Average Customer Rating:

Great Ideas, Great Concept... Extremely Drawn Out.

Customer Rating:

Although filled with a wonderful examination of human/gender behavior and communication, the preface and first chapter could easily supplement the remaining portion of the book. Tannen is extremely repetitive in her ideas and her research, often veering into tangents obviously relatable to the main thesis of the book. A fascinating overview of relationships-- although only really evident in the first few dozen pages.

Don't buy into the bull

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I love how psychologists like to explain behavior to people assuming that all men are alike and all women are alike which just isn't true. Don't buy this book and don't buy Men are From Venus by John Gray. Buy Socionics by Rod Novichkov, figure out what personality type you are and who your best match is then get that person in you life-only then will you see that communication problem has nothing to do with whether you're a woman or a man (another words, it's not your problem, it's that your relationship is THE problem).

Exceptionally Researched and Written!

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I read this book several years ago and found it well researched, written and easy to understand. Deborah Tannen is a linguist who clearly addresses how and why women and men communicate differently. She explains that women communicate primarily to establish connections and negotiate relationships while men talk as a primary means to preserve independence and to negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. Tannen explains that although women also talk to preserve independence and achieve status, and men communicate to establish connections, it isn't the primary concern or focus of the majority of their conversations. You Just Don't Understand helps a person to gain a better understanding of his or her own individual communication techniques. A well written, researched, insightful and informative book, You Just Don't Understand, presents the gender difference material in a clear, non-subjective and positive manner. This low-bias approach enhances the quality of the material significantly. The author addresses a number of other issues besides gender differences that govern communication techniques. For example, boys and girls grow up in different worlds and this has a significant effect on how they communicate. Consequently, other issues besides gender differences need to be explored and understood to create an effective dialog between the sexes. Understanding of linguistic differences promotes better relationships. I recommend this book for anyone interested in learning more about how men and women communicate. The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide to: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking

One of the best books on gender conversations

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I definitely recommend reading Dr. Tannen's "You Just Don't Understand," even if you think you know all you want to know about the differences between men and women in communication. This is a thoughtful, well-written book analyzing men and women's styles of communication through various studies and anecdotes that not only serve to teach but to also entertain. There are good dialogue conversations in the dynamics of the book and interesting to note the insightful commentary from both perspectives. It is easy to stereotype and have gender bias based on the social norms of our culture, but Tannen provides a fairly balanced view of both subjects. She gives solid support of her findings, which we can often relate to in our relationships. I found myself more intrigued as I read on about the asymmetrical connections between the genders. For couples, this book may provide a lot of useful suggestions that could improve to open communication. I did not find this book to really skew personal bias favoring either gender. Instead, it reveals the reality that while men and women use different "conversational styles" of achieving the same means, each are important tactics to recognize. After finishing the reading, I feel much more enlightened about the importance of strategizing my listening and conversing skills.

I understand!

Customer Rating:

This is a great book and a must read. I will be keeping it as a reference and I only keep about 1 of 10 books that I buy as such. Even though this book was first published a generation ago it still applies today. I no longer become upset by what I saw as mens lack of caring- though now I feel that its a little hopeless and a fight not worth figting. This book is very detailed- sometimes too much so. I am only half way through and have already learned alot (be warned that its the type of book you need to read in chunks in order to absorb the specifities of what is being stated) but have skipped about 1/4th of the pages because many pages are just filled with examples that support the same idea. Some of these examples also seem a little extreme- tilting towards one side of the pendulum- being I recognize the actions and reactions stated in the males I know today but to the extreme stated in some of these examples I would simply see these men as ******* yet this might well be a difference caused by varying generations. The men described in a book are atleast 1 generation above mine and I am of the generation born after the Womens Rights Era therefore since birth my generation of males has seen females in a much more leveled position and this probably affects their communication with these. Even with its deficits the insights found here is still worth a 5.