Selected Product:
| His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
Special Edit
Edition: 15 Anv
Author: Willard F. Harley Jr.
Publisher: Revell
Release Date: 2001-04-01
ISBN-10: 0800717880
ISBN-13: 9780800717889
List Price: $19.99
Average Customer Rating:
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Summaries and Customer Reviews are supplied by Amazon.com
Marriage works only when each spouse takes the time to consider the other's needs and strives to meet them. In His Needs, Her Needs, Willard Harley identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs. The revised anniversary edition of His Needs, Her Needs is a celebration of how the book has helped thousands of couples revitalize their marriages during the last fifteen years. This best-seller identifies the causes of marital difficulties and instructs couples on how to prevent them, guiding them to build a relationship that sustains romance and increases intimacy. With today's soaring divorce rate and prevalence of affairs, Harley's insights are needed more than ever before. An unabridged recording of His Needs, Her Needs, the 15th anniversary edition, is now available as an audio book.
Marriage Saver
| Customer Rating: | I was given this book on the brink of divorce. I had the plans in place. I started to read this book and it all made sense to me. Once my husband and I were talking again, we began reading it chapter by chapter together. And it help save our marriage. Not only that, I have my best friend (my husband) back.
Good Points:
1) The needs that I have were precisely stated. When I read that, I knew that this doctor knew what he was doing. With that insight, I read the man's needs side. While I still don't understand those needs, because I know how right he was about mine, it seems reasonable to assume that he's right about his. Because I know how much I would love if my husband were to do all the things suggested, it seems reasonable to think that my husband would love all that were on his side. IT JUST MAKES LOGICAL SENSE.
2) Once a couple is committed to meeting each other's needs, something unexpected happens. Meeting those needs becomes less of an intentional, awkward mechanical action, and more of a way of life. After that, it becomes something you WANT TO DO. It becomes FUN! Much like when we were dating. I never would have thought that could happen again after 10 years of marriage.
OF THE CRITICISM:
Most of this is on physical attractiveness. I can understand that it might be a hard pill to swallow for some women to think that it would be helpful in a marriage for her to consider her husband's feelings about her physical attractiveness. I agree with a previous review - if you cared at all about your appearance before the marriage, why? If you kept in shape while you were dating, WHY? Should you be ashamed of that? Of course not, you did it because you WANTED to be attractive to your spouse. Has that changed? Just like your husband previously bought you flowers or took you out to dinner, or told you how much he loved you. He did that because he wanted you to feel special. Should he stop that? It's all related. If you are like most women, you want to feel special and loved. If you are like most men, you are a visual being. These are but two of the needs that men/women typically have. One other side note, the book does not say that you have to be a physically perfect model or never age, it simply says that you should take that need seriously and work with what you have.
The point is NOT that not meeting these needs is an excuse for an affair. The point is that women and men have basic needs that must be met somehow. If those particular needs aren't met, they'll be one of two things: unhappy/resentful, or look to find those needs to be met elsewhere. We don't want our spouses to do either of those, just as WE don't want to do/feel either of those. It may not seems right, but it's the truth. If we ignore the truth, we will not be as happy as we can be. I find that meeting my husband's needs has increased his happiness and our closeness, which produces more of a desire to meet even more needs. It cannot be one-sided, or it won't last. He is feeling the same way. We are closer than ever. We love each other and are now happy to do whatever we can to make each other feel good. Our children see this love and mutual affection and we hope this will carry on into their adult lives as a model of good relationships based on love and care for other's feelings. |
This book really helped our marriage
| Customer Rating: | I read this book in conjunction with an 8-week class my wife and I joined because we were having a tough time. Now that the class is over, I am totally amazed at the positive impact the book had on our 23-year marriage.
The book defines three stages that married partners move through: intimacy, conflict and withdrawal. I was firmly in withdrawal when I started the class. And after the first session, I was unconvinced that the book would do us any good. But we hung in there, and we both learned so much! I was deeply resenting my wife because I was doing all I could to please her, and felt like she was not reciprocating. As it turns out, the things I was working so hard on were very important to me, but not to her. And she was doing the same thing to me-- trying to show me love by doing things that were important to her, but not to me.
Once we understood what each other's needs were, it was really pretty simple to meet them, and move from withdrawal back to intimacy. The book provided a very helpful framework within which we could discuss our relationship without both getting angry and retreating to our separate corners.
For me, it was extremely helpful to read this book as part of a class. The class gave us encouragement, deadlines and a sense of accountablity that we absolutely would not have had on our own. One couple in our class said that the eight-week class had been way more helpful than 11 months of marriage counseling (not to mention far less expensive!)
The book and class really turned our relationship around. I wish we had done them decades ago. More info on the class is avaiable at the Family Dynamics website, [...] |
Good advice, won't affair proof your marriage
| Customer Rating: | | While this book contains great information for making your relationship more fulfilling, it totally paints a picture of performance-based marriage. If your needs aren't met, then apparently you are in a perfect position to go look somewhere else. That's not love. Marriage is about commitment and unfathomable loyalty. When your needs are met, you can attain great joy in marriage, but there is NEVER a valid excuse for an affair. We are in our 7th month of recovery after an affair that rocked our world and this book seeks to give some kind of answer to "how could this happen?" that totally disregards the true meaning of commitment. |
What an insight!
| Customer Rating: | | This book provides me a lot of information about relationship and marriage that i thought i knew about, i was wrong. My husband and i have unintentionally made each other very unhappy during the years of our marriage. We did not make an effort or understand the importance of meeting each other's emotional need. I'm so glad this is written out so clearly and simple. Something everyone can do if they agree and believe in it. This book brought our marriage closer again. I have never been happier in my life. Dr. Harley, thank you. |
His needs and her needs
| Customer Rating: | | Is realy good, I sugested to any one who have a family or is plannig to have one. |
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