Reconcilable Differences,   ISBN:9781572305090

Customer Rating: 

I found this book to be an insightful and interesting read. Their many examples of couple issues from real couples resonated with me. Their descriptions of the perspectives of each member of the couple was especially insightful because their descriptions/discussions usually nailed it with respect to how I myself have felt in similar situations (and explained the feelings better and more powerfully than I am usually able to do) and also really helped me see and understand the perspective of the other person. It definitely provides a good mindset for solving problems instead of placing blame.

Customer Rating: 

I needed this book for a class I'm taking and though it's not the most recent publication, I found that it was a great decision to buy this version for less. That I had the older publication was never a problem.

Customer Rating: 

Staying Together When an Affair Pulls You Apart (Judah, Stephen M., Ph.D., IVP Books. Downers Grove, Il. 2006) and, Reconcilable Differences.

Here are two excellent resources for those of us working with marital couples when one party has had an affair. Stephen Judah quotes the research summary of nine studies that suggest affairs occur more frequently than believed. 50% of all married couples may experience infidelity over the course of their marriage. When couples cohabit, the rates are even higher.

Judah looks at the three types of affairs: 1.) Sexual, 2.)Non-penetrating, i.e., no sexual intercourse, and 3.)Affairs of the heart. He notes that even though affairs all differ, they are very much the same when it comes to the impact on the spouse.

He discusses at length what he considers to be the main causes of affairs, how they develop over time, the conditions that lead up to an affair, and then what causes someone to cross the line into an active affair.
But the major part of the book looks at the healing process couples He begins with a discussion on what to tell and how, then how the process of reconciliation takes place, the correction of the issues that led to the affair, and how to go beyond the pain to see not only the positives still in the marriage, and be able to envision a future beyond the pain.

Virginia Holman's books looks at affairs, but goes beyond that subject to deal with other damaging issues that occur in a marriage, what she calls marriages at the crossroads. She talks about our need to grow up on the inside as we grow together as a couple.

A major portion of Holman's book looks at seeking and extending forgiveness, how we rebuild trust, and build a new future together. Reconciliation is a major theme of her book, and she uses case studies to show the practical applications of what she is describing.

Both authors speak from the perspective of private practice, so what they have written is valuable to the marital counselor, but both are also written in a style that will be helpful to the couple being counseled. They both do an excellent job of weaving together biblical insight with current psychological studies. Holman is now the professor of counseling at Asbury Theological Seminary.

Final Note: Telephone and Online Counseling may be a great way to help struggling couples. Learn to Provide Telephone and Online Counseling with this book: The Therapist's Clinical Guide to Online Counseling and Telephone Counseling: The Definitive Training Guide for Clinical Practice

Customer Rating: 

The most useful book of its kind for working with couples in conflict,
practical clear and well thought out. I use it chapter by chapter as its so great as an educational tool. Not for those looking for a band aid job,its "the" book to have.

Customer Rating: 

This book adds evidence to my belief that psychologists who stick close to science and away from fad theories can contribute tremendously to our world. These two authors have done their homework and have come up with a compelling theory on healing marital discord. Why do I think so? If a theory is true, it should describe a wide variety of data, in this case, marriages. It describes the difficulties in my marriage to a tee, and if it doesn't describe almost all marriages, I'll eat my hat. The method for change is the other great part of the book. To me, it basically says couples spend too much time believing they see the world correctly and set out to correct the wrong part (their spouses). We have enough trouble trying to accept change to fix our own faults, what makes us think we can change our spouses? What makes us think we see our marriage accurately? We should learn to see the world as it really is and work with that. This book is invaluable help to anyone looking for help for their marriage.